Troubled and helpless Families’ Tangled letters and their Solutions

Will catch him Red-handed

My brother is sixteen years old. Some boys told me that he went to a shisha bar. I felt bad to hear that. I immediately told my mother she also got upset. My father is in Dubai, I was yet to tell him. At times I think of catching my brother red-handed and then talking to him but then I think that it would be insulting for him in front of his friends and he will mention my mistakes. (Kashif, Bahawalnagar)
Suggestion: You are involved in some bad habit, correct yourself immediately so that your advice would be effective. For now, what you have heard is not verified, even if you see it for yourself, don’t react immediately. It’s better to pretend to be ignorant. Talk to him at some appropriate time that how stupid those boys are who first fall prey to shisha and then get addicted to smoking. They are poisoning their lungs in the guise of fragrance. Then find out what he thinks. Let him know that you trust him and do not expect such things from him. Children and teenage boys shouldn’t be caught red-handed on their mistakes this is how they become fearless and don’t feel ashamed of repeating their mistakes. I feel bad when I Look at My Face: I have a frequent acne problem that makes me feel bad about my face. No cream or powder is beneficial to hide these scars. I get angry upon seeing my face in the mirror. I’m twenty-one years old and doing a Master's. (Usama, Karachi)
Suggestion: If you have an acne problem even after medical treatment and precautions then accept it as a sign of this age. This problem will be over by itself in a few years. The youngsters of your age are very sensitive about their faces. To them, even a small scar is big and prominent. Excessive tension, the use of numerous medicines, and being over-anxious is psychologically harmful. Shortly, the acne on the face is not as destructive as the feeling that hurts and causes inferiority complex.

I always face Failure

Where ever I go for an interview, I always return unsuccessful. I cannot talk confidently. I cannot even tell what skills I have, whereas they call me just seeing my name without going through the credentials and refuse upon seeing my personality because I am short heighted. My brothers are six feet while I am only five. Everyone laughs at me because I am the same height as girls. (Asad, Lahore) Suggestion: The reason for failing in the interview can be a lack of confidence and excessive anxiety but not short height. Your height is medium; it’s another thing that you are comparing yourself with your six feet tall brother. He would also look small if he stands beside a taller person. Compare yourself with the people who are shorter in height and consider how successful they are in your comparison. Whether it is higher education, good position, business acumen, or cricket, height is not a condition for success in any field. As for your family, don’t care about their laughter. It does not mean at all that you get angry with them, just take it as their expression of love.
My Daughter is now Apologizing

My daughter had been stealing money from my wallet. I was very upset, one day I caught her red-handed. Now I’m extremely angry with her. She is apologizing to me, crying, grumbling but I can't forgive. She has broken my trust. (Shabbeer Ahmed, Multan)
Suggestion: Your anger is natural but now that she has realized her mistake and she is continuously seeking an apology, forgive her at least for your peace of mind and heart.

I feel like banging my Car Somewhere!

My problem is related to my family and outsiders. If something happens against my will, I burst into anger for a few minutes and commit blunders. Yesterday I threw away my laptop. I have broken many mobiles and watches. Now I cannot tolerate anyone’s mistake on the road, I wish to hit my car. My elder brother has stopped giving me his car and I have to ride a motorbike. Once I hardly escaped an accident. A high-speed truck crossed me so narrow that I was about to be crushed under it along with my motorbike. A friend who was with me managed to control my anger. (Umar Zia, Anonymous)
Suggestion: The people who get angry, often complain about things happening against their will don’t try to control their anger rather they are controlled by their anger, and then they don’t avoid harming their selves by destroying things. This kind of anger is a sign of many psychological issues. Accept the reality that there will be things against your temperament and that people will not abide by the traffic rules on the road. You have to secure yourself from others and your own mistakes. Staying calm despite the reasons to get angry and achieving your targets is a sign of mental health.

Insistent on not going to School!
My son is in fifth grade. I used to send him to school in the morning and then went to my mother’s home. He would play with children instead of going to school and come home at his off time. I didn’t know this for days. I was very upset when they called from the school asking why the child was not coming to school. I scolded him, he was also beaten but he didn’t tell me that reason. Now his father is dropping him off at school. He is weak at studies and cries daily for not going to school. (Sobia, Karachi)
Suggestion: You need to notice if the child was already weak at studies or did this happen because he bunked off the school. He needs to be given extra attention so that he can get along with the other students in his studies. Talking to the teacher and asking for leniency will improve the situation. Usually, the students who bunk off the school are punished hard considered to be criminals. It’s necessary to look for the reasons if young children don’t want to go to school. For instance, parents should assess other family members’ behavior, moreover, teachers’ way of teaching in the school and students’ behavior. It’s essential to have information about your child’s friends and his mental tendency. All this information is important to understand your child’s problems and for improvement in his studies.